Life Moments: One Step, One Lesson, One Patch Of Grass At A Time

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Welcome back to the Ask Velvet Podcast. From the porch to the couch, real talk, real life. Just telling it my way. No scripts, no filters. I'm keeping it real. And today we're talking about life moments. You know, sometimes when we think about a life-changing moment, we think it has to be something huge. A new job, a marriage, a divorce, buying a house, having a baby, losing somebody, starting over, something major. But I've learned that some of the most important life moments can happen doing the most ordinary things. And my latest life moment, cutting my grass. Yes, y'all, cutting my grass. But stay with me because this episode really isn't about grass. It's about independence. It's about self-reliance. It's about being single. It's about going through a struggle season. And it's about discovering what you're capable of when life puts you in a position where you have to figure some things out for yourself. As many of you know, right now I am unemployed. And unemployment will definitely make you look at life differently. When you're working and you've got that paycheck coming in, there are certain things you might pay somebody else to do without thinking twice about it. But when that paycheck stops, maybe you start looking around like, okay, what can I do myself? And one of those things for me has been my yard. I have a big yard. The grass grows, and unfortunately, the grass doesn't care whether velvet has a job or not. That grass is like that's between you and your bank account. I'm growing. And because I'm unemployed right now, paying somebody to regularly cut my grass simply isn't something I am comfortably affording. So I had two choices let that grass keep growing or get out there and cut it myself. And I chose the lawnmower. Now I have asthma, so I have to be careful. I'm not going to pretend that I can go outside and work nonstop like I'm competing at some lawn mowing championship. No, I know my body. I take my time. I stop when I need to stop. I rest, I get some water, and then when I'm ready, I keep going. I may not finish the entire yard at once, but eventually it gets done. And that's actually become a metaphor for where I am in life right now. I don't have to solve everything today. I don't have to have my entire life figured out tomorrow. Sometimes I just have to handle what's directly in front of me, one section at a time, one problem at a time, one day at a time. Now here's where things get interesting. Because every time I'm outside cutting my grass, it seems like somebody comes along, usually a man, and he'll say, Hey, you need some help? And I'll say sure. Because I'm thinking you're offering to help me. Then comes the next sentence. I'll cut your grass for five hundred dollars or whatever price he's decided on. Wait a minute, that's not help. That's a business proposal. There's a difference. And listen, I'm not knocking anybody's hustle. Everybody has bills, everybody has to eat. If cutting grass is how you make your money, make your money. But don't walk up to me talking about do you need some help? Just say, ma'am, would you like to hire me to cut your grass? Now we're speaking the same language. Because when you say help, I'm thinking you're about to bless me. I'm thinking the Lord sent somebody down the street with a lawnmower, then you start giving me prices. No, sir, that is not a blessing. That's an invoice. And now, sometimes before they can even finish their sentence, I tell them I don't have no money. And you'd be surprised how quickly that conversation ends. They'll be like, oh, okay, and keep walking. Have a blessed day. Because I'm telling you up front, I don't have no money. So move along. And let me tell y'all something. I've heard some prices over the years that almost made me wonder whether they were cutting my grass or purchasing my property. I've had people quote me thirty two hundred dollars. I've had people quote me two thousand dollars. I've heard fifteen hundred dollars. I've even heard a thousand dollars to cut grass. No, absolutely not. I understand that I have a large yard. I understand labor costs money, and people absolutely deserve to be paid fairly for their work. But I also have the right to look at a price and say, that doesn't work for me. And that's another lesson I've learned. You don't have to accept something simply because somebody gives you a price. You can say no, you can get another estimate. You can wait, or sometimes you can learn how to do it yourself. And part of the reason I feel the way I do comes from experience. I've paid people to cut my grass before. They'll come out, start cutting, do one portion of the yard, maybe half, and disappear. I'm sitting there thinking, okay, are you coming back? Nope, they're gone, and guess what else is gone? My money. I've already paid them. So now I've got half cut grass and less money than I started with. After you've experienced that enough times, you eventually start thinking, you know what? I'll just do it myself. And here's the thing. I've been married, and even when I was married, having a husband didn't automatically mean my grass got cut. My husband knew how to cut grass. It wasn't that he couldn't do it, he just didn't want to. Sometimes he'd work something out with one of his friends or pay somebody else to do it. And if the money was there, maybe somebody came and cut it. But if the money wasn't there, the grass wasn't getting cut. So even back then I started realizing, Velvet, you better learn how to handle some things yourself. And that lesson has stayed with me. Now, let's talk about being single for a m for a minute. Because being a single woman and taking care of your own home can bring some very interesting encounters, especially when people see you outside trying to do something yourself. Sometimes somebody genuinely wants to help. And genuine help is beautiful. I appreciate anybody who genuinely wants to help another person. But sometimes people see a single woman and automatically assume she needs somebody. No, maybe I would like some help. That's different. And sometimes people see you doing something and think they have an opportunity to make money from you. Again, nothing wrong with offering a service, but I've learned to recognize the difference between somebody saying, I see you're struggling. Let me give you a hand and somebody saying, I see you're struggling. Let me see what I can charge you. Those are two very different things. And those unexpected encounters have taught me about people, intentions, boundaries, and saying no. But here's the bigger lesson I've gotten out of all of this. Self reliance builds strength. Now, self reliance does not mean you never need anybody. Let's make that clear. Everybody needs somebody sometimes. There's nothing wrong with having family help. There's nothing wrong with calling a friend. There's nothing wrong with having a good partner. There's nothing wrong with hiring somebody when you can afford it. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with accepting genuine help. Self reliance doesn't mean I don't need anybody in this world. To me, self-reliance means if nobody shows up, I still know how to show up for myself. That's the difference. And there is something incredibly powerful about knowing that because every time you figure something out for yourself, you gain confidence. You say, wait a minute, I did that. Then the next challenge comes. And instead of automatically thinking, I can't do this, you start thinking, Well, I figured that other thing out. Let me see if I can figure this out too. That's gross. And let me tell y'all something. If I don't know how something works, I look it up. I go to YouTube, I go online, I go to social media, I search the world wide web. Somebody somewhere has made a video explaining what I'm trying to figure out. And sometimes I have to watch that video more than once. Sometimes I'm sitting there like, hold on, go back. What did he just do? Rewind, pause, try it, nope. Go back again, but eventually I learn. And that's another thing this struggle season has taught me. You don't have to know everything. You just have to be willing to learn. There's a huge difference between I can't do it and I don't know how to do it yet. The word yet can change your entire mindset. I've learned so much about myself during this season. I've learned that I'm resourceful. I've learned that I'm determined. I've learned that I can problem solve. I've learned that I'm willing to learn. I've learned that sometimes I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. And I've learned that there were things I depended on other people to do that I was perfectly capable of learning to do myself. And no, that doesn't mean I'm about to become an electrician, plumber, mechanic, woofer, landscaper, and contractor tomorrow. Some things need professionals. Know your limits, be safe. But there are also plenty of things we convince ourselves we can't do simply because we've never tried. And sometimes life puts you in a position where you finally have to try. And this is where I especially want to talk to my single women. Ladies, you can do it. I'm not just talking about cutting grass. I'm talking about life. Learn things. Ask questions. Read. Watch tutorials. Learn about your house. Learn about your finances. Learn about your car. Learn about technology. Learn how things around you work. You don't have to become an expert in everything, but don't be afraid to learn because somebody told you that's a man's job. No. If it's something you can safely learn to do, learn it. Don't let anybody tell you what you're capable of simply because you're a woman. And don't believe being single means you're helpless. It doesn't. Being single doesn't mean you're waiting around for somebody to rescue you. And being independent doesn't mean you don't want love either. Those two things can exist together. You can want companionship and still be capable of taking care of yourself. You can want a good man in your life without needing a man simply to function. There's a big difference between I'd love somebody beside me and I can't make it unless somebody is beside me. And right now, one of the greatest things I'm learning about myself is I can make it. Now y'all know me. Sometimes I joke. As long as I've got YouTube, social media, and the world wide web, what do I need a man for? And yes, I'm joking. Well, partially because I've been married, I've dated, I've had relationships, and when it came to cutting this grass, y'all failed. I'm just saying. So now I'm out there doing it myself. And something funny happens when I'm finished. I look at that yard, I'm tired, I'm sweaty. I'm probably ready to sit down somewhere, but I look at what I've accomplished and think I did that. And that feeling is powerful. That's why I don't want anybody listening to think your struggle season is only what you're losing. Sometimes your struggle season is revealing something. Sometimes it's revealing your strength. Sometimes it's revealing your creativity. Sometimes it's revealing your patience. Sometimes it's revealing who is really there for you. Sometimes it's revealing who isn't. Sometimes it's revealing what you truly need. And sometimes it's revealing what you're capable of doing for yourself. Would I rather be employed right now? Absolutely. Would I rather have the extra money to comfortably pay somebody to cut my grass if I wanted to? Absolutely. I'm not going to romanticize struggle. Struggle is hard. Financial stress is real. Unemployment is real. But while I'm in this season, I'm going to learn everything this season has to teach me. Because I refuse to walk through something difficult and come out of it without learning anything about myself. And that's why I call this episode Life Moments. Because life has a funny way of teaching you lessons through ordinary moments. Who would have thought cutting grass could teach me about Independence? Who would have thought a lawnmower could teach me about confidence? Who would have thought random people stopping outside my house could teach me about boundaries? Who would have thought unemployment could teach me how resourceful I am. But that's life. Sometimes your lesson comes through something big. And sometimes your lesson comes through overgrown grass. So wherever you are right now, especially if you're in your own struggle season, I want you to ask yourself, what is this season teaching me about me? Not just why is this happening, but what am I learning? Maybe you're learning patience. Maybe you're learning independence. Maybe you're learning how to start over. Maybe you're learning how to stretch a dollar. Maybe you're learning to set boundaries. Maybe you're discovering a talent you didn't know you had. Maybe you're learning that you're stronger than you thought. Whatever it is, pay attention to your life moments because they add up. And one day you may look back and realize that the less that the season you thought was breaking you was actually teaching you how to stand stronger. So to every woman listening, and especially my single women, I want you to remember this. You can do it. Maybe you don't know how yet. That's okay. Learn, try, ask questions, get help when you genuinely need it, know your limits, rest when you need to rest, and don't confuse independence with having to carry everything alone. Real strength is knowing what you can handle yourself and knowing when it's time to ask for help. And whatever struggle season you're going through right now, don't give up on yourself. Keep your faith, keep learning, keep growing, keep believing, keep showing up. And when something comes along that you've never done before, instead of immediately saying, I can't do that, try saying, Let me see what I can do. Because you just might surprise yourself. And remember, one step, one lesson, one patch of grass, one life moment at a time, that's how I'm getting through my season. And maybe that's how you'll get through yours too. This has been another episode of the Ask Velvet Podcast. If today's episode encouraged you, make sure you subscribe and follow the show. Leave a review and share this episode with somebody who might be going through their own struggle season and needs a little encouragement. You can listen to the Ask Velvet Podcast on all major podcast platforms. And remember, supporting the show doesn't always have to mean spending money. Every follow, every subscription, every review, every download, and every time you share the podcast with your family, friends, co-workers, strangers helps this show continue to grow. From the porch to the couch, real talk, real life, just telling it my way. No scripts, no filters, I'm keeping it real. Until next time, take care of yourself, believe in yourself, and never underestimate what you can learn to do. And as for me, I've still got some grass to cut. One step, one lesson, one patch of grass, one life moment at a time. I'll talk to y'all next time. This is Velvet, and this is the Ask Velvet Podcast.