The Slice That Tried To End Me

Cashapp: $Cheesiepeesie

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Ask Velvet, where we talk about everything, and I mean everything, and today, oh today, we're getting into something deep, something emotional, something dangerous. We're talking about hot cheesy pizza. Now listen, I didn't come here to judge, but if you've never burned your mouth on pizza, I don't trust you. So picture this the box opens slowly and steam just rises up like it's making a grand entrance, like it's saying Ladies and gentlemen, I'm about to ruin your life. And there it is that slice Golden Gwistening cheese stretching like it's got commitment issues talking to you real soft like come over here already and I'm looking at it like are you so? But do I listen to my instincts? No no no no no no no no no no no no no because I'm hungry and hunger will have you making decisions you cannot come back from. So I grab the slice, grease sliding down my wrist, like it's trying to clock out early and I fold it like I've done this before, like I've learned something in life. I take a bite and baby my soul left my body my tongue gone just gone evaporated disinintegrated up there filing a complaint with the ancestors like why did you let her do this? This is not pizza this is lava with a GED. Why is the cheese still stretching from here to next week? Why am I chewing and it's still connected to the slice? Now I'm fighting fighting for my dignity, my taste buds, my entire existence. And what do I do? I try to act normal. Mm yeah, it's good. Meanwhile my mouth is screaming. We are under a t and don't let the sauce get involved because now it's sliding sliding off the slice like it don't know me, landing right on my shirt. Of course, peace because pizza don't just burn you, it embarrasses you publicly with witnesses. Now here's the crazy part. Five seconds later, I'm right back blowing on the next bite like that's gonna fix anything. Like I didn't just go through a full near death experience with mozzarella because pizza hot cheesy disrespectful pizza is a toxic relationship. And I I'm not leaving. All right now, if this spoke to your spirit or burned your tongue just a little, go ahead and subscribe, follow, share this with your family, friends, co-workers, barber, beautician, and especially that one person who always eats the pizza too fast. And if you feel generous, you can bless the cash app because healing from pizza trauma, it's not free. This has been Ask Velvet, where we laugh, we learn, and sometimes we risk it all for a slice. I'll catch you next time.